Carmelo Anthony-F-Nuggets

Carmelo Anthony is battling Amare Stoudemire for the second starting spot at forward in All Star Game. Anthony recently complained that his hand injury may have hurt his chances in climbing up the voting ranks. “I had been able to fill out about 100 ballots per day, but now that my hand is cramping it’s tougher to stuff the ballot box,” Anthony admitted.

Fantasy Sports Is Illegal - So Should This Broadcast Be

A Fantasy Basketball Mention…Ridiculous Context

Hines Ward-WR-Steelers

Hines Ward was seen smiling during practice as he prepared for the Superbowl. He said he experienced no fall out from the injury he suffered during the AFC championship game. “I’m a little bit gimpy today, but just see if any injury is going to affect my play on game day,” Ward said. “When you have a smile like mine, you get through anything.” Most experts don’t doubt Wards claims especially after seeing him rip off his arm and reattach it during yesterday’s practice all the while laughing.

Griese Says He Can Play QB In Superbowl If Needed

TAMPA- Not understanding he would play no part in the Superbowl, Tampa Bay reserve quarterback Brian Griese offered up his services to helm either the Steelers or the Cardinals in the event they needed a quarterback in the big game. Griese told reporters he was excited the game was in Tampa, and said it would probably be only fair anyway that he got a shot to throw a few balls in the game.

“You never know what’s going to happen. There could be injuries. And I’ll be waiting for the big call,” Griese said. “That’s the advantage of being right here in Tampa during the game. I’m available. If they need me I can help. It’s the kind of man I am- a helpful one. I am suspecting I’ll get at least quarter of play if either team is behind.”

Griese added that his unique style of play, an underhanded throwing style, could be the key to victory for either team.

“Right now I haven’t gotten much feedback from the coaches,” added Griese, “but just wait until things get tough, and I think you’ll see the response to my unique throwing strategy more highly valued. I am already guessing that if Kurt Warner isn’t up to snuff Ken Whisenhunt will be looking for a creative strategy in accomplishing his goals. As I said, I’m available. I think it helps both teams that I’m right here in Tampa. It will make their choice a lot easier when they get to the point where they need a fill-in superstar quarterback.”

Griese said he would prepare for the Superbowl in Lamier Park in Tampa over the next two weeks, throwing balls to his cousin Ernie.

Photo Courtesy Icon SMI

Mason Will Play Despite Being Heckled By ‘ExtenZe’ Lady

BALTIMORE- It came as complete shock to Baltimore Ravens veteran wide receiver Derrick Mason when he was being yelled at by the hostess of the ExtenZe infomercials during Friday’s practice. Mason said he was called ‘useless stubby’, ‘midget wiener’, and ‘little pee pee pants’ by the low grade actress/host for the fake male enhancement drug which Mason admits has sold millions.

“I know have my fans and my enemies, but the crude language that came out of that party ho’s mouth was so offensive I felt angry. I was just thinking ‘Oh no you didn’t!’,” Mason told the ailing Baltimore Sun.

Mason refused to yell back at the low self-esteemed hostess, instead staring in disbelief. About a minute into her rant Mason decided the only way to combat the dong crazed female was to play on Sunday even with a knee injury and shoulder problem.

“You know I haven’t really practiced fully all week,” Mason told reporters, “but this chick has made me realize that I have to play. I’m gonna start this Sunday to combat her hate for men like me. Men’s genitalia should never be publicly outed by loose women in the stands before a playoff game. Especially if the date didn’t go that well, and you don’t really care about them in the first place.”

No indications whether the male enhancement hostess will be at Sunday’s playoff game to heckle Mason more. Joe Flacco, the Ravens’ quarterback, and Mason’s friend was unavailable for comment.

Photo Courtesy Icon SMI

Brian Westbrook-RB-Eagles

Brian Westbrook has kept silent during the post-season avoiding reporters and wishing to remain behind the scenes as he prepares for the NFC Championship game. When asked if he had any reservations for this upcoming game Westbrook wouldn’t answer, only later whispering in a low voice to teammates, “Reservations for four in the endzone.”

Derrick Mason-WR-Ravens

Derrick Mason did not practice Wednesday in preparation for the AFC Championship game this weekend. Mason instead watched his favorite movies “Annie Hall”, “Battleship Potemkin”, and “You’ve Got Mail.”

“When I was a kid I used to love the triple feature,” Mason said. The movies are a great way to escape reality and live in entirely new worlds for a few hours. And it doesn’t get any better than this triple threat. I may take tomorrow off too. There’s a Norah Efron night on TBS which I don’t want to miss.”

No seriously, we like Derrick Mason.

Matt Cooke-W-Penguins

For the near term Matt Cooke will line up with Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. He has already scored one goal with this superstar duo, and looks forward to increasing his salary with every game played. Said Cooke, “You put me in a good situation, and you’ll see the Cooke make a hockey salad.” Okay, so he isn’t Mark Twain, but a lucky man he is.

Aaron Ward-D-Bruins

After re-injuring his thigh Aaron Ward will miss at least two games with a charley horse. Teammates have punched Ward in the face to help him forget his charley horse, but coach Claude Julien said it didn’t help.

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