Cindy McCain Says Her Fantasy Season Is Over, Claims She Knew Joe Flacco Would Be Good

PHOENIX- In front of a crowd of reporters near her home in Arizona Cindy McCain announced that her fantasy football season is effectively already over after losing her last 6 games. She said she will play through the remaining weeks as a ’spoiler’, but had a bad feeling a few weeks ago when she dropped Joe Flacco, quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens.

“Like many fantasy teams mine had a lot of potential,” Cindy warbled emotionally, “and like many fantasy teams my team has no chances of making the playoffs. I could have done a little bit more possibly, but honestly, I think the magic fantasy wheel has just not spun my way. I knew Joe Flacco was going to come into his own, and that’s why I had him on my team. But I didn’t know it would happen this fast. It was a mistake to have dropped him into free agency, and now someone else has him. In a 15 team league he is really worth something special. My bad.”

McCain also noted that her decision to trade away Kurt Warner for David Garrard was also a mistake saying that she thought Warner was a bit ‘over the hill’.

“His age shouldn’t have impeded me though. I should have known that from personal experience. A man of any age can perform well, think well, and lead his fellow prisoners to a victory,” Cindy proclaimed with confidence. “I also love Kurt’s wife Brenda so much so it really makes no sense why I would have traded him away. Who is this Garrard anyway?”

While reporters asked questions Mrs. McCain wiped away tears from her makeup smeared face, and said she loves America more than David Garrard ever will. She had no kinder words for Shaun Alexander who she said has been a big ‘disappointment’ ever since he won the rushing crown a few years back. She went so far as to say Alexander was acting very ‘Un-American’ as of late, and couldn’t believe that she trusted him to be a champ again.

“When some of these players are traitors to me, it is very unpatriotic in a sense. Maybe they don’t love America like I do, and now I know that,” the tattered heiress to a beer distributorship said. “When you play all stinky and stuff it’s not going to help the McCain Straightalk Fantasy Team win, and that’s a shame. I”ve learned from associating with these players, and believe me it won’t happen again.”

Cindy says she is now moving on from the pain, and will be dealing with the issue of whom to freeze for next year. She said currently she is looking at Dan Orlovsky, Mewelde Moore, and Patrick Crayton.