KELLEN WINSLOW’S SECRET INJURY FINALLY REVEALED!

CLEVELAND - Over a month after being admitted to a Cleveland area clinic for a mysterious injury, Kellen Winslow has finally come clean about the cause of his much-publicized ailment.

“It wasn’t really a staph infection - I made that up because so many other guys got it, and what happened to me was really embarrassing,” said Winslow, “but the reports about swollen balls were pretty close to the truth.”

“I hurt my groin playing buck buck,” Winslow admitted.

On the evening of October 8th, Winslow engaged in a violent and excessively rough game of ‘buck buck’, a game unfamiliar to many. Players divide into two teams. The first team lines up single file, and each player bends down and hugs the waist of the player in front of him to form a “horse”.

The second team sends its players, one at a time, running up to the ‘horse’, and they leap on top of the other team’s players in an effort to knock them down or make them collapse.

Apparently Winslow’s turn to leap onto the ‘horse’ ended in excruciating pain.

“I was buck buck number four, and the guy before me landed about halfway up on the horse. My jump was far better than his, but as I flew over him he raised his head to look up, and his face was in a very poor position. My groin and his face viciously crunched together…then in my weakened state I forgot to put myself in a safe landing position, and my groin was crushed for a second time upon impact with the players below,” Winslow said.

With the help of his teammates he was able to return home, only to find his groin in complete disarray. No amount of ice would stop the swelling. On October 9th Mr. Winslow visited team doctors who explained to him that his groin was ‘totally nasty’, and was going to require ’someone else to look at it’. The next day Kellen reported to the Cleveland Clinic where he stayed for three nights under the watchful care of several doctors.

“It was brutal,” reported one anonymous physician, “I’ve never seen swelling like that. The grapefruit rumors…totally false. This was worse. We seriously thought about deflating his oysters, but we really didn’t want to know what was in there. Of course we took pictures, and they’re available for the right price.”

Reports indicate that Winslow will be back in action this week ‘full force’, but recent practice photos show he is wearing a second athletic supporter outside his uniform to provide extra protection for his aching crotch.

Contributed by Doug Walters, The Football Professor
Photo Courtesy Icon SMI