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January 14, 2009 by  

DENVER- Upon being let go from the Denver Broncos Mike Shanahan announced plans to help running backs around the league and athletes of all types improve their ball handling techniques through improved finger nimbleness.

“A big part of holding the rock in football is coarse hands, calluses, even corns,” Shanahan said. “Through improved mobility of the fingers we can achieve tighter grips on the ball for all running backs, and that’s what ‘Shanahands’ is all about.”

The coach said the sports manicure center will feature manicurists who bathe, dip, and scrub every part of an athlete’s rough hand, pushing back cuticle, and trimming unwanted skin and nail. They even have a Palmolive hand jacuzzi for excessive workman like digits.

“When customers leave here we want their hands to feel like a baby’s. Our focus is running back hands, but we also service basketball, baseball, hockey, and golf players,” said general manager Sonny “Daddyfingers” Esperanto. “We don’t care if the athlete or wanna be athlete comes in here with sausage sized fingers with nails the thickness of drywall. After our hot lavender hand spa and kelp relaxation scrubs they’ll walk out of here feeling like they’re ready for the workout of their lives. Get on the field boys you’ve got hot hands!”

Shanahan’s public relations spokesperson said the former Denver coach plans on visiting the twenty locations in the Denver area personally to ensure customer service and quality control is at its finest. As ‘Shanahands’ branches out into other cities Mike will ‘stay a little hands off’ the spokesperson said.

“After all he is looking for a new job,” the spokesperson said.

Photo Courtesy Icon SMI


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