Sarah Palin’s Speech: Play Fantasy Hockey, It’s Better

MINNEAPOLIS/ST.PAUL, MN- At the Republican National Convention yesterday evening, Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin told delegates that playing fantasy hockey is more satisfying than playing any other fantasy sport, including fantasy NASCAR and even fantasy Congress (www.fantasycongress.com). She spoke about her down home experience as a fantasy hockey mom, who likes to ‘keep it real’, and not talk as much trash as the fantasy footballers in the lower 48.

“I”m not looking to have fantasy football fans approve of me,” the Governor from Alaska said, “I’m looking to change the way things work in fantasy sports. Fantasy football, fantasy golf, and fantasy tennis are snobbish, cosmopolitan, and elitist. Fantasy hockey is different than that because your players are hockey players not football players, or baseball players, or basketball players.”

Palin’s two hour speech included numerous references to pucks and power plays, rousting the crowd of cheering supporters at points to a frenzy. Palin’s remarks about fantasy football were spoken from a precisely tailored speech, and delivered with great confidence and passion for what she believed.

One convention goer from Oklahoma said, “I had always admired Palin, but in Tulsa we don’t think much about fantasy hockey. Now, I realize that all the effort I’ve been putting into fantasy football, fantasy basketball, and fantasy baseball can be put aside for now. Governor Palin convinced me that those games are a ‘bridge to nowhere’.”

The President of the Fantasy Sports Association, Mel Weinerdog, said, “At times Governor Palin seemed too smug and sarcastic, even cutting. Fantasy football is still the most popular fantasy sport. We have nothing against fantasy hockey. She’s nice, but that doesn’t move mountains. At the same time we don’t want to alienate women from fantasy sports.”

Clearly the difference between the two parties is striking, and has yet to be resolved. As the Governor’s speech ended the commissioner of her league came on stage, and thanked her in front of the crowd: “You hit a home run Palin. Er, you had a hat trick.”

Brett Hull refused to be interviewed for this story.