The Best Thing To Ever Happen To Fantasy Football

With the ushering in of a new President in a nationwide mandate yesterday evening fantasy football will forever change. Barack Obama, 47, showed a strong show of support to fantasy fans when he raised an NFL jersey to the sky Wednesday night, and proclaimed America ‘a nation of devoted and passionate fantasy fans’ who will only find better services, websites, and interfaces for the game they love in the coming years.

The senator from Illinois said this on the heels of fantasy football exhibiting the worst ‘expert analysis’ of any industry anywhere. In many cases fantasy sites are worse at predicting fantasy outcomes than even the financial industry is within their sector, a truly new low.

The barrier to entry for dishing out fantasy advice as ‘an expert’ has fallen so low in recent years that every guy with an opinion can potentially rake in dollars based on nothing but a gut feeling. Fantasy fans have fallen victim to paying subscription money to sites that are worthless, and many are enraged.

“How can a large media company charge you when they barely even know what’s going on? I feel I know more than 95% of the experts. There needs to be some kind of regulation here,” said Smitty Lackland, fantasy coach in Ohio. “These services should be monitored by someone, and their accuracy checked against reality. I bet you most of them will be shown to be selling a fraudulent product.”

“Their weekly ranking systems are shameful,” said James Fallon of Florida. “Waiver wire pick ups sometimes are ridiculous, and they claim expertise? It’s a travesty that anyone buys their product. I admit even I have, but no more. Obama has given me hope that there are better days ahead in the fantasy prognostication market, and he has also taught me that I need to rely on myself more. I hope everyone does.”

Mr. Obama says that with increasing scrutiny the fantasy industry can ‘weed out’ even the largest of snake oil salesman, and provide more incentives to smaller sites to be more accurate, better prepared, and offer more sophisticated services.

“There’s a lot at stake here. Fantasy football fans need quality in their primary web service. I promise to monitor this industry in a way so that web traffic goes to the better sites who have well thought out analysis. Too many rabid fantasy football fans are being hurt by all the casual ranking systems that don’t adhere to any principle whatsoever, and this is flat out wrong,” the President-Elect said.

Fantasy fans everywhere are waiting for that suite of services which they can pay for, and receive the highest quality of information from the best gurus. It’s not clear yet who has that, but at least now there is hope that the best companies will be identified to the benefit of everyone.

“People will be making better trades, do better in free agency, and have more hope for their fantasy teams. Trash talking will continue in a spirited and fun way, but there will be less cheating,” said Mr. Obama. “If you have better information when playing fantasy football you don’t have to run around the rules and cheat. My whole thing is that if we have a better industry we’ll have a better game, and even more people will play.”