FANTASY FOOTBALL NEWS - RON DAYNE RALLY

Fantasy Football League Decides On Colored Pencils, Flowers At Draft

LOS ANGELES, CA- Minutes after they announced their freezes on Friday night a league in Southern California voted to brighten up their draft.

“We are an extremely tough league. The stress of putting together a good team had really gotten to some people, and even though that means tremendous competition, we had lost our way with making the event fun,” Carl Haversham of the Blendomatic League said.

“We got together Friday evening to announce our freezes and get our draft orders. “But we also voted on having colored pencils and flowers to make the whole event more ‘colorful and uplifting’.”

Initially one league member, Dan Steiner, had suggested the league brighten things up on draft day with carnations and mums.

“But that was voted down immediately,” Haversham said. “I brought up the idea of having orchids, maybe a local variety set around the room, and colored pencils to match the color coded index cards we were using for our snake draft. The league heartily embraced it. We voted 10-2 in favor.”

The orchids, mauve and white, a species called Habenaria Orbiculata, were placed on the center table next to the draft board, and colored pencils placed near each league member.

“The whole thing was a hit,” Carl said proudly, “People could choose whatever color they wanted to write down their draft pick. Darren generally chose blue, and Kyle liked the orange hues. The draft was so much more upbeat this year that we think we’re going to add finger sandwiches in between rounds next year. Who knows maybe we can get some nicely designed doiles to put little pastries on in the future. Whatever adds to the fun.”

Fantasy Coach Offers Up Home For Draft, League Bummed

WEST VIRGINIA- Members of The Tom Landry League decided to have a live draft together for the first time. Many of them had never met.

“We were excited. I knew Tony and Paul, but had never met the other league members including Josh Grinder,” commissioner Chris Simon said. “When we finally arrived at Josh’s place we were pretty much bummed.”

Grinder had assured his league by phone that he would gladly host them for the whole weekend, and that there would be ‘plenty of good times’ at the draft.

“But I should have known something was up,” Simon continued. “When he asked us to bring water I got suspicious. And we could never get a hold of him. He said his computer wasn’t working, and whenever we did speak by phone it always sounded like he was at a gas station or something.”

When the league arrived at Grinder’s address they thought they had gotten the directions wrong.
All they saw was a one room shack nestled against a grass covered incline.

“Then he started hollering for us to come inside - that’s when reality sank in,” Mr. Simon lamented.

As league members entered the small hovel single file they filled the room instantly. One member, Phil Beason, reported gettings cramps after being squeezed against a metal washtub in the corner. Another complained of the ‘rank beaver hide smell’.

As the draft began several league members had trouble seeing their cheat sheets, but reported that the light coming in from the roof when the clouds moved had ‘helped’.

“It was really challenging,” Simon said. “There was no television, no internet connection, and when our laptops ran out of battery power, there was only a chalkboard to help keep track of our draft. Josh didn’t have any chalk, so we resorted to a pile of charcoal that was laying at the side of the house.”

Simon continued, “At the halfway point Josh said we should take a break. But a lot of the guys in the league aren’t used to catching their own draft snacks. Some needed restroom facilities, and got lost when hiking through the woods to a creek over a half mile away. It was just a mess.”

Fours hours in the shack meant that members of the Tom Landry league gladly drank a lot of the moonshine which Grinder passed around in jugs.

“It sure took the edge off,” Simon admitted, “After awhile we started talking about how we should do it at Josh’s place again next year.”

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Kansas Man Crams For Draft

LAWRENCE, KS- Putting off his rankings until this weekend, Rod Nomear wasn’t sure how he would have a good draft.  

“I haven’t kept up with any football over the off-season, and I am  way too busy over the next few weeks to do any meaningful rankings.  I’ve visited some sites, but just feel overwhelmed right now.”

As a solution Rod decided to spend his only free weekend before his league’s August 31st draft the same way he spent his days in highschool and community college.  He told his girlfriend Anita he was visiting relatives, but instead checked into a motel near the KU campus, and forced himself to spend the whole weekend in the library.

“I brought a bunch of research materials, a couple magazines, and print outs of last years stats, and was sure I would be fully prepared by the end of the weekend,” Rod said.   “But it didn’t turn out quite like I planned.”

First, Nomear explains, he had trouble concentrating on his work.  Passersby were talking, and he could hear students exchanging gossip.  After the first two hours, and displeased with his progress, Rod went to the snack machine where he bought some Nibs, Cheetos, and a can of Coke.

“I really thought the extra energy would give me the boost I needed.  I had gotten through the quarterbacks, but was feeling sketchy about my running back list,” he said.

After another couple hours Nomear reported that he was getting frustrated with trying to split hairs over wide receivers so he went outside to talk on his cellphone, and bummed a few cigarettes from some girls in the quad.

“It’s weird because I don’t even smoke,” he said.  ”I guess I was feeling the pressure.  There was a lot of work to do, and less and less time to do it.”

After a few more attempts at completing the receiver list, and then giving up after the first five defenses Nomear says he heard some students talking about a barbecue and kegger.

“I needed to take a break anyway, and I had made an attempt at doing some work.  I was trying not to be too hard on myself.  Plus, by that time I was looking to relax.  The guys at the Beta house are really friendly people.”

After a long and winding night of walking through the biosciences labs, which he and a couple of the Betas broke into, the group wandered through the underground tunnel system til the early morning hours, at one point thinking they had discovered a hidden treasure in a side wall.    

“Needless to say all my plans for Sunday were a total wash.  I was exhausted.  I went back to the motel, and crashed hard.  You can only do so many body shots before you have to write off that next day,” Rod admitted.  ”But I figure I now know enough for the draft to get by, so I guess I’m feeling pretty good about.  I just hope I don’t forget the stuff.  I didn’t write a lot of things down.”

 

 

 

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